A satire column about why America kicks ass
Kavahn Mansouri
-Editor-in-Chief-
America is fantastic, isn’t it? Nothing beats being reminded how great this country is daily. While waking up in the morning Americans inhale freedom; while eating dinner at night, they taste freedom. Pretty much everything Americans do has freedom laced in it in some way. But the most important freedom Americans share is the freedom to speak whatever is on their mind, and that folks, is what makes the Grand Old Party so freaking American.
Of all the political parties in America, (Democrats, Whigs, Libertarians, etc.) the GOP knows how to tell it like it is. Straight-shooting guys who are not afraid to say what is on their mind because in their mind, they are the only one that has a mind, and when you have that sort of mind, you might as well be the only one with a mind. Not to advocate in any way for the GOP, but people have to admit, these guys got guts. Every time their mouths open, something amazingly different and interesting comes out.
“Life can be a challenge, life can seem impossible, it’s never easy when there is so much on the line. But you and I can make a difference.”
Former Republican Presidential candidate Herman Cain said that after he announced he would be postponing his campaign to become president. This is a great example of why the GOP is so legit, that quote is from the Pokemon movie… The Pokemon movie. If there was any doubt that the GOP was legit, all of it has to be gone now. Any man who represents the party and drops knowledge like that is beyond legit, creating a completely different level of legitness.
So flip on the Republic Debate, put on a shirt with your favorite candidate’s name on it and recline on your American flag upholstered couch while an American flag Snuggie keeps you warm and witness the freedom of speech take place. These warriors of the English language and the art of politics will surely quench your thirst for honest, thought-provoking and justified material.
