Segways, a fine American invention
Kavahn Mansouri
-Editor-In-Chief-
Used by mall cops and generally lazy people all across the world, Segways say a lot about America. We Americans have to get there, but quicker than on foot and slower than car, mentality when it comes to a lot of things. Which is great because who needs to rush things anyway? But why delay? Notched in the middle of this fast and slow pendulum is the legendary Segway.
Before you rule out the idea of the Segway, keep in mind all of the benefits it can, offer you. It takes little to no actual body movement, its cost effective, it has the pace of an automatic lawnmower and you look totally cool while riding it. Patch on some American flag stickers and flame decals and you’ve got yourself a certified patriot-mobile. Hey, while you patriots are at it, stick an American flag on that sucker.
But still consumers and patriots alike may be skeptical about this genius invention. If not for pure luxury, take the patriotic route. Segways, like America, are constantly moving, whether moving forward or backwards, America is always moving. No matter what, that is just something America does. It moves to the left, to the right, to the back and to the front. It does a whole lot of other stuff too, like… move. Honestly the Segway does not do anything other than look cool and move around but it stands for freedom, inspiration, awesomeness and is also a pretty sweet ride.
The Segway can be mans best friend when it comes to looking cool. Grab your helmets, put on your American flag backpack and go for a ride in the park while reading the Constitution and setting off fireworks to celebrate Independence Day, every day.
