A satirical look at America and why it kicks ass.
By: Kavahn Mansouri
-Editor In Chief-
Oh America, you beautiful stallion you. Galloping through the Great Plains, fording the harsh rivers of the Appalachians and racing towards freedom and liberty. This warhorse of a country is in every meaning of the word, kick ass. No one messes with America, and as Americans, no one messes with us.
Back in the day, America was the bad boy rebel on Earth. It did not take any other countries bull and stomped out anybody who dissed it’s mad reputation. That is the amazing part of America’s history, America never took any business from anyone. When Britain got in our faces, what did we do? We threw their tea into a bay, went Rambo in the woods on them and sent them running for their ships.
No one messes with America because they do not want to get served up a nice platter of painful liberty. When our nations competitors walk into the late night diner called America, there are only two things on the menu… freedom and justice. And when our white wig wearing waiter serves up the meal, a free liberty punch to the kisser is on the house.
So next time someone gets in your face or pushes you around, remember that you are a patriot, and that as Americans you do not have to take any business from anyone. Because where else in the world would you be able to deliver a roundhouse to someone’s face wearing American flag shorts? That is right… nowhere.
