Satirical commentary on why America kicks ass
Kavahn Mansouri
-Editor-in-Chief-
America is huge; it has huge armies, huge cars and even huge food depending on what city you are in. But most of all, America has a huge ego and that is another reason America Kicks Ass.
Disagree that America has a huge ego? Do not run from it, it is something we all should be proud of. Think about it, when America goes to a party, everyone knows who America is; when America shows up to an awards show, you best believe that America is wearing the most flashy, most ballin’ outfit there.
It is hard to miss America, as a nation we are pretty huge, third in population to be exact and with this hugeness our ego grows. Flaunting mega armies and helping our brother nations when they are in trouble, we are a pretty cool nation. I mean, who would not like a nation like us, we have all the best things in the world; celebrities, guns, fast food and a huge flag that says, “Hey look at us, we are super free.” We are so cool that nations give us gifts; France gave us a smoking-hot statue of Lady Liberty for free.
America deserves its ego. Every evening when America goes to sleep, it can rest easy knowing, “I am the coolest nation around, and no one is a nicer, gentler, more happening nation than me.” And that is why we thank you America, because if it were not for your enormous ego, we would not drink from American flag cans, sleep under American flag snuggies and wear our American flag pants.
