A satirical column about how America Kicks Ass
Kavahn Mansouri
-Editor-in-Chief-
Boxing, although birthed in Rome and made modern in Britain, is a famous American pastime. Two men, hitting each other repeatedly in the face. Even in some cases women find satisfaction from participating in this sport of champions. By all means, boxing is another great reason America Kicks Ass.
Champions of the sport like Muhammad Ali, George Foreman and several others would tell you that boxing is simply all there is to life, and maybe we can take a page or two out of that book. Taking several blows in the ribs and face is probably the most kickass thing that can be done nowadays. The longer they last the cooler you look and at the end of the day, you might have a broken jaw and a few cracked ribs, but the pride and liberty felt leaving the ring will resound for the rest of your days.
Say someone challenges your kickass abilities, whip out your sweet bruises and scars and show the haters what is truly happening. No one messes around with a person who boxes, except for other boxers, and if they mess around with said boxer, then a boxing match will happen, which makes even cooler stuff happen. See the thing everyone needs to realize is that in America, if you can kick ass, you kick ass.
Boxing is just one of the many ways to kickass, there are plenty of other sports, like karate, jujistu and even kayaking. But boxing makes those sports look like wussies, what says America more than taking a jab to the face and upper cutting your opponent, lifting them off the ground and into oblivion.
So grab your cape and come up with a creative nickname to have labeled in big red, white and blue lettering on the back of it, have a buddy help get those American flag boxing gloves on and take to the ring, because boxing is another reason that America kicks ass.
