Satirical column on why America kicks ass
Kavahn Mansouri
-Editor in Chief-
Take a deep breath… Sniff that beautiful free air. Smells patriotic, does it not? That is what can be found almost anywhere in America, but the most free, patriotically and fantastically smelling air one must venture out to the great wilderness for a session of good old-fashioned hunting and gathering.
This great nation was built by Americans who were not afraid to go out and tackle a buffalo to the ground and use brute force to feed their families and clothe their people. Today Americans have beefed up the tradition, making it much more kick-ass and gratifying.
Take the old tradition, a bow and arrow, maybe a hunting partner and some water to keep thirst quenched. Now beef it up, replace the bow and arrow with the biggest, most powerful weapon that can be legally used to hunt, replace one hunting partner with six buddies in orange camouflage with a Busch in one hand and a rifle in the other. That is the way to do it, in true patriotic form, let no one stand in front of the wave of American tradition that is about to flow forth.
This, my friends, is what America is about, getting some pals together, driving a Hummer deep into the wilderness and doing some good old-fashioned hunting and gathering. So get some American flag decals for your car, put on your patriot hat and go to war on some animals.
