Satirical commentary on all things American
Kavahn Mansouri
-Editor-In-Chief-
“The land of the free and the home of the brave.”
Free and brave? One man comes to mind, a man free of the judgment of any other man and far braver than any other television broadcaster. He brings families together, covers national issues and even resolves marital problems. His name is Jerry Springer and he is one American dude.
I can only imagine that the set of Jerry Springer is covered in American attire, because The Jerry Springer Show is what America is all about, typical Americans talking about their typical American problems. He is not like those poseurs Dr. Phil and Maury, he is a big- time, truthful, down- to- Earth sort of guy. The other imitators might as well be anti-American, communist flag burners. Springer is dependable; every afternoon and midnight hour you can find him bantering with his hosts, showering in the audiences’ cry of “Jerry! Jerry.”. He was even the mayor of Cincinnati, so the public obviously agrees that he is the right man for the right job? Why else would people flock to his awesome show about awesome Americans. Topics from “I am pregnant but still want to strip” to “My alien wife” are covered, and everything in-between.
Grab your American flag socks, gather your entire family tree and stuff them into your living room. You have a night of Springer watching ahead of you, and nothing can stop you from this adventure of patriotism and freedom. Capture a bald eagle and name it Jerry, because Jerry Springer is just yet another reason why America Kicks Ass.
