America Kicks Ass is the finest column around when it comes to appreciating the little things in life that are American, and also kick ass. The column covers a variety of American creations through a overflowing waterfall of patriotic sentiment.
Kavahn Mansouri
– Arts & Life Editor –
After the last issues’ episode with the History Channel plagiarizing this column, it seems like the time is ripe to step up the game a notch. This week we will be looking toward the top of the America Kicks Ass list, all the way up to America’s real pastime. That’s right folks, paintball.
What says America more than running around with a group of friends shooting balls filled with assorted colors of paint at each other? The sport of paintball was founded in 1976 when stock trader Bob Gurnsley and author Charles Gaines decided to play the world’s first game of paintball. They say the book “The Most Dangerous Game,” which is basically about humans hunting humans, inspired them. Thus, the sport took flight, developing into a sport celebrated by professional players and professional businessmen alike. Nothing is more exhilarating than running through vast wilderness, becoming the hunter and the hunted. Keeping eyes peeled on every ditch or hill in sight, with a trusty semi-automatic paint projector aimed at anything that so much as ruffles the leaves.
That is exactly why paintball is one of the most American things an American can do. Life is all about pointing your weapons at things that scare you. So get out there, get your 98Tippman out, take your shirt off, and put on your American flag pants; because nobody gets to the top without wearing American flag pants.
