The art of lovemaking and all things involved in it is a beautiful thing. Adult Content explores sexuality and all it’s endeavors.
Jacob Hight
– Graphics Editor –
This column fully supports the recovery of abusers and encourages them to get the necessary professional help; to prevent confusion it will only focus on the recovery of survivors of abuse. Surivivors should not use an abuser’s choice to get help as an excuse to remain in a bad situation – their life may depend upon getting out.
No one deserves to be abused.
The heart and human spirit within every person is capable of so much beauty; it must not waste away in silence, darkness or in the flames of another person’s rage.
There is no shame in being overpowered; every being is vulnerable. Escaping a physically and/or emotionally violent situation is truly a heroic act.
Seize the day!
The journey of recovery begins by reaching out to a friend, an abuse hotline or shelter (available in yellow pages and online), medical professionals, police, or even someone at a community college.
“Especially for safety’s sake… if one of the students is on campus, they can come to us; we have all the [phone] numbers and we can make the calls,” said Susan Keyser, policewoman for more than 30 years, STLCC-Meramec campus officer, former court reporter and author of an abuse hotline procedural sheet.
Campus police only have jurisdiction over assaults that happen on campus, but provide an open door for those that need a place to start.
“The first time in a relationship, [if] there’s any kind of flare up of any kind of violence, get out then,” said Keyser. “Don’t look back; just keep going.”
Keyser said the cycle of abuse just progresses and that making excuses (ex. “I provoked it,” “I love him,” and “He didn’t mean to do it,”) is an obstacle.
Survivors can also reach out on campus is through the counseling center, which provides counseling services and literature on domestic abuse.
“Domestic violence is a leading cause of physical injury to women in the United States…” according to “Domestic Violence,” an educational paper offered by the counseling department. “…Men are victims of partner violence, too, though most remain silent out of shame or humiliation…Victims often feel responsible for the violence… Batterers are the only ones responsible for their behavior…”
Some abusers rely on socially isolating their victims. Isolated,
it’s easy to lose perspective or feel trapped.
Maintaining a healthy social support network of family, friends and others can literally be a life-line.
“[If a friend came to me for help], I would never think that she caused it or that it was her fault in any way,” said Krista Valdez, Meramec student in her 20s pursuing a major in chemistry. “No one deserves to be put in [an abusive] situation, male or female.”
While an overwhelming number of victims are female, it’s easy to forget that abuse can happen to anyone.
“It’s not just women; men get abused too,” said Keyser.
In a patriarchal society where men are circumcised by the demand that they be stoic, powerful and in control, male victims of abuse might face an added layer of stigma, shame or humiliation even with friends.
Though abuse statistics are measured in minutes, every day surivors begin the journey, breaking through obstacles like wildflowers through rock.
Every day survivors reclaim the power that cannot be stolen.
Next time, an irreverent look at Vatsyayana’s “Kama Sutra.”
Until then, make love.
