How to Help Others And Yourself
BY: OLIVER PULCHER
Staff Writer
Realistically fighting hatred with kindness sounds inherently conflicting. Fighting with kindness sounds incorrect rolling off the tip of the tongue. It also doesn’t sound possible for that matter. However, it’s an incredibly useful method for dealing with arguments and fights — positively disarming the person causing the negativity, whether it be insults, slurs, or a fist to the face.
Try smiling and genuinely complimenting the person arguing or fighting with you. This confuses the aggressor and can instantly change the mood of the situation. It will simultaneously defuse the situation while leaving you without any regrets or leftover negative energy after you leave the situation.
As a transgender male, and from being in the role of a retail worker, this method has been useful often. Personally, I have avoided countless fights, insults, and arguments from other people. Also, it has helped me lessen my mental and emotional load at the end of the day.
The most profound time that this method has worked for me in my personal life was about two months ago. I was being threatened in a restaurant bathroom because I was, “obviously a tranny.”
My attacker was a bit older than me, twice my height, and several times my size. He was concerned that I was trying to “do something to him” in the bathroom, despite the fact that the only time we were close to each other was when we were washing our hands.
He insulted me, calling me a ‘dyke’ and a ‘tranny,’ and told me to go back to the little girl’s room where I belonged.
Then he grabbed the front of my shirt, told me to “get out or else,” and when I refused, he shoved me back into a concrete wall. Hard. He raised his fist to hit me, and in that split second, I noticed that he had a hat on with a Lamborghini car logo on it.
I told him I liked his hat, that it looked good on him, and I asked him where he had gotten it. He paused, confused, and then slowly let go of the front of my shirt.
He told me “thank you” and explained that his wife had gotten it for him online. He genuinely smiled at me, and I used the opportunity to slip away and leave the bathroom.
This method may not, and hopefully does not, have to help you out of such an intense situation. Everyone’s reality is different. A smile and good feelings are a much better way to leave a situation than with a broken nose. It never hurts to be kind.
